I am one of those people, yes, “those people” who love to clean. I love the process; it completely calms me and gives me a satisfaction that I cannot put into words. I love to clean the entire house and then sit down and admire the beauty. Something about cleaning helps me to get a handle on life maybe it is because it has a beginning and an end and you are guaranteed an end result.
I also love the pleasure that comes with crossing off my “to do” list. With each task that I complete I feel as if my day has not been a waste. Since I am being honest here, there have even been times when I have written things on my list that I have already completed just to have the joy of crossing it off. The list provides me with direction during the day. It is almost as if completing my list makes me a good person.
I know this may be weird to some, but through these two little idiosyncrasies the Lord has been revealing to me my apparent need for control.
Cleaning gives me an outlet for that need. I am able to make something “happen” even thought it is just cleaning. However, this can be taken to an unhealthy level. There are times when I get upset if everything in the house is not perfect or if David drops some crumbs on the floor or if Turbo forgets that he is potty trained. Then, I loose all control of my clean house. I remember times growing up (after my dad died) where I would not let myself go to sleep until I cleaned my bathroom and bedroom to perfection. During high school I would spend a couple hours on a weekend cleaning every nook and cranny in my car. My nieces and nephews still tease me about the way I would dust my car while driving.
Then there is the to-do list. Like I said before, completing the list gives me a sense of achievement and being a good person. If I couldn’t run the errands that I wanted to get done that day or get all the things I needed in the time that I needed to, then I would feel upset inside a sort of panic.
Over the last year (especially living with David aka Mr. Laid Back), I have noticed that even the smallest curveball has the potential to create emotional unrest in my life. I love maps, I love agendas, I love predictability, I love planning! Do step one and you will get this, continue on to step two and you will reach this goal. A+B=C, no matter what. However, life is not like that and God would never have it so. He wants our trust in the midst of situations that are unexplainably chaotic. He wants our faith when there is no clear plan or direction for our lives.
Because I work in a field where there is so much death, I think about it often and try to prepare myself for the various situations that life could throw at me. If my child someday dies, if my husband dies, if I am diagnoses with a life threatening illness, if I am killed in a car accident, if I lose my leg, and on and on. There are too many to think of. Even this is me grasping for some control of future situations of which I have no control. Now that my eyes are open to my habit I have been taking some steps to remedy the dysfunction. I have been trying to surrender to the Lord…the first step being in my mind. When thoughts come into my mind about death and I start trying to figures out how I would react, I STOP. I SURRENDER my thoughts to the Lord. I choose to trust Him.
I also love the pleasure that comes with crossing off my “to do” list. With each task that I complete I feel as if my day has not been a waste. Since I am being honest here, there have even been times when I have written things on my list that I have already completed just to have the joy of crossing it off. The list provides me with direction during the day. It is almost as if completing my list makes me a good person.
I know this may be weird to some, but through these two little idiosyncrasies the Lord has been revealing to me my apparent need for control.
Cleaning gives me an outlet for that need. I am able to make something “happen” even thought it is just cleaning. However, this can be taken to an unhealthy level. There are times when I get upset if everything in the house is not perfect or if David drops some crumbs on the floor or if Turbo forgets that he is potty trained. Then, I loose all control of my clean house. I remember times growing up (after my dad died) where I would not let myself go to sleep until I cleaned my bathroom and bedroom to perfection. During high school I would spend a couple hours on a weekend cleaning every nook and cranny in my car. My nieces and nephews still tease me about the way I would dust my car while driving.
Then there is the to-do list. Like I said before, completing the list gives me a sense of achievement and being a good person. If I couldn’t run the errands that I wanted to get done that day or get all the things I needed in the time that I needed to, then I would feel upset inside a sort of panic.
Over the last year (especially living with David aka Mr. Laid Back), I have noticed that even the smallest curveball has the potential to create emotional unrest in my life. I love maps, I love agendas, I love predictability, I love planning! Do step one and you will get this, continue on to step two and you will reach this goal. A+B=C, no matter what. However, life is not like that and God would never have it so. He wants our trust in the midst of situations that are unexplainably chaotic. He wants our faith when there is no clear plan or direction for our lives.
Because I work in a field where there is so much death, I think about it often and try to prepare myself for the various situations that life could throw at me. If my child someday dies, if my husband dies, if I am diagnoses with a life threatening illness, if I am killed in a car accident, if I lose my leg, and on and on. There are too many to think of. Even this is me grasping for some control of future situations of which I have no control. Now that my eyes are open to my habit I have been taking some steps to remedy the dysfunction. I have been trying to surrender to the Lord…the first step being in my mind. When thoughts come into my mind about death and I start trying to figures out how I would react, I STOP. I SURRENDER my thoughts to the Lord. I choose to trust Him.
As for the to-do lists, one thing nursing taught me was that no patient is the same, no patient is predictable and likewise no day is the same. You can make a list to say focused but then you have to realize that not everything may get done and that is ok. Cleaning is still something I enjoy; however, if you came over to 
my house today you would find the entry way dirty, a ladder in the dining room, laundry in the dryer, Turbo’s toys all over the floor, David hard at work in a messy office and me in the living room typing this. Am I anxious, no. I know that cleaning is important but not something that I should let rule my life. Sometimes it is ok to relax and let life happen.
my house today you would find the entry way dirty, a ladder in the dining room, laundry in the dryer, Turbo’s toys all over the floor, David hard at work in a messy office and me in the living room typing this. Am I anxious, no. I know that cleaning is important but not something that I should let rule my life. Sometimes it is ok to relax and let life happen. 
